Today hasn’t gone to plan already, and it’s only twenty past 10 in the morning! I’m not gonna rant or anything, because shit happens, but I fancied a brain dump so here I am.
College was great yesterday, but I’ve come home with a cold. It was inevitable. I knew it was coming but I had hoped it would skip past me on its round around the class. I am not so lucky, and I was snorting Sudafed at 7 o’clock this morning.
It wasnt too bad at first, a bit of burning in my nostrils similar to what you feel when you accidentally sniff pool water when you’re swimming, but about an hour later, I felt ill. like sick, ill. and I wondered for a few short moments if my cup of tea was going to come back up.
Thankfully, it didn’t. But that didn’t really make me feel any better, I just feel shitty. My nose isn’t blocked thanks to the Sudafed, so I can breathe, but my head is heavy and my eyes hurt. I want to go back to sleep, but I’ve also been daydreaming of an early night for about two weeks so I feel like if I slept this morning, it will steal away the chance of a night curled up in bed watching Dr Who. Which is totally my plan for tonight.
Anyway, because I felt like I was gonna throw up, I spent the next 15 minutes taking deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth, like what my mum would say to me when I was a kid. It worked, and then I managed a handful of shreddies before feeling repulsed by the mushy consistency. So I got dressed and then got Willow dressed and as we’re about to leave, I realised I hadn’t done her lunch box. I then had to faff about in the kitchen with her around me trying to ‘help’ but getting in my way whichever way I was going, and fill up her lunch box. I forgot a piece of fruit, so I’ll be bad Mum of the year today, but fuck it, it’s not like she lives off cheese sandwiches and rocky bars everyday of her life! No, she also eat copious amounts of mini cheddars and frubes, because I don’t do half a job.
Then I couldn’t find my keys, and she was banging on about wanting to go outside which just drove me bonkers because I don’t like her being outside where I can’t see her, also, it would have meant that the cats would have gotten out and followed us all the way to school. The dog was moody too, because usually on a thursday and a friday, I take willow in at 7.30 for breakfast club but we take the dog along, and once willow has gone in, I take the dog for a run around on a nearby green. Not today though, and don’t I know it? The dog hasn’t even come near me since I got back. She’s just laying on the windowsill giving me the look of death.
Fuck knows what I did to upset one of the cats, because after dropping willow off and signing her into reception with the reason for being late as ‘running late’ – literally wrote running late in the late arrivals book as a reason –, I sat down and the cat came for a cwtch. Well that was the false pretence in which she had led me to believe because no sooner had I put my hand out to welcome her onto my lap, the bitch bit my hand and growled at me. What the actual eff, Dee? I know she’s not my friend today because I’m currently sat here typing this up and she’s sat flicking her farts at me with her tail. I’m actually regretting the Sudafed. It stinks so bad. But yeah, literally, she bit my hand and went on to waft farts at me.
And that’s my cat Dee.
So yeah, that all happened by 8:40 this morning, and the rest of the day that I had planned has gone out of the window because I can’t be bothered to deal with anything more than my own self pity.
I had planned on going to the hospital for an hour as part of my therapy homework, today was the only day I had free to go but I aint got no time for that. I also have mountains of homework for college, but that can wait, and I have a therapy session this afternoon. As it happens, I don’t have my therapists number otherwise I’d cancel the appointment, but because I have no way of letting him know that I dont want to go, I’m gonna have to go to tell him that I didn’t want to go but had to go to tell him. Jesus Christ my head hurts more after that sentence, does it even make sense?
At least when I turn up this week looking and feeling like death I can tell him that I wholeheartedly intended on going to the hospital today, but I just couldn’t go because I am really ill. Last week I had to tell him I couldnt go because i didn’t have time, which is the wholehearted truth, I simply didnt have two hours to spare for the walk there, an hour there and the walk back, and he explained that I do really need to get it done because it’s part of the therapy and I promised I would. Ah well, I can’t help falling victim to the common cold, and so I shall try agin next week, when, fingers crossed, I don’t feel like my head is being repeatedly hit with a sledgehammer.
So life sucks for me today, not only because I am ill, but because I really have a lot of shit to do, and I get the whole ‘mum guilt’ when I don’t get it all done, I’m also annoyed about not doing my homework, but I think I’d end up getting it wrong if I tried. I want to paint my nails too, because they’re looking mighty fine these days and having colour on them satisfies my soul but I don’t think I should even bother today. Even thinking about it I find myself wondering what I could do with them and coming up with nothing. I know what I’m like see, never fully satisfied with just a simple coat of polish, I like to dress it up a bit but I am not feeling creative at all today and if I started, I’d lose my rag, I just know it.
So, yeah, I want to do stuff, I want to get stuff done, but it’s not gonna happen, and actually, I know its best that I just give up the fight and sit down until I have to go to therapy, more so so that I can give myself a chance to just ‘sweat it out’ kind of thing and hope that by not running around whilst feeling like death will help me get better sooner so that I can go back to college on monday feeling fine.
I’m sure my writing is really bad today, I feel like my punctuation and grammar is off completely, but there we go. It’ll have to do.
I’ve got the central heating on, and hot chocolate to drink.
I hope your thursday is healthier than mine.
love and stuff,