Facebook Motherhood Challenge. Why I won’t participate.

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Have you ever been infertile?

That’s something no one wants to be asked, but, it’s a question a lot of people can answer with yes. Infertility is something that I suffer with and it’s something that I feel very passionately about.

But I am a Mum, and I am proud to be a mum, so why wouldn’t I participate?

Despite the fact that KaboodleDad and I are parents. We have had our own experience with infertility. We have also experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage.

I’m often told that I am one of the lucky ones, that I am lucky to be mother despite being diagnosed with infertility and despite being told that I would never be able to conceive naturally. I know I am Lucky, I know this because I have spent so much of my life also being one of the unlucky ones.
This is why I don’t want to participate in the Facebook motherhood challenge, because no matter how fun it is for me to get involved, it’s just as easy for me to feel upset. I also know that there are others out there who have or are in the position I have found myself in and I know just how hurtful those posts can be.

Even now I have a child, even after I have had the privilege of being pregnant and giving birth and raising a child, I still feel very upset when it comes to my fertility, or lack of, should I say. The Facebook Motherhood challenge is a great way to share your pride and openly show how much you love your little ones, but for every post I have seen, there is always the reminder that no matter how hard I have tried, I still remain infertile. I still can’t reproduce in the way I would hope. I am reminded of this when I see friends sharing photos of their third baby and yet I am still unable to have a third pregnancy, let alone a second child.

I know too many people, in real life and through blogging that suffer with infertility, I know their stories, I know what they are experiencing and I feel their pain. I wouldn’t want to make them feel the same hurt that can sometimes creep in when I am having a dark day. I don’t want my friends to feel excluded from me because they can’t participate in a viral Facebook craze. Much like I said when I wrote about the breastfeeding stickers; stuff like this creates a divide, it makes us separate ourselves from one another. It gives us the ground to choose people we prefer, and by doing so, we alienate others. What if your best friend in the whole wide world was infertile, but you had children? Her life is difficult, she won’t tell you that because she loves you, but your children only increase her pain. Your Facebook status about being a mother, being nominated by another mother, for being such a fantastic mother, filled with pictures of your children will hit your friend harder than a boot to the face. And I’m just saying it because it happens, things like this create negativity.

Negativity can lead to a whole host of things that you might not be aware of, Depression being something that I can personally relate too.
Having suffered with Antenatal Depression and anxiety and the Post Natal Depression and anxiety that I still struggle with, I am never far from having a bad day and sometimes, all it takes is a question, a remark or something I’ve seen on the internet to set me on a downward spiral.
Things like this challenge have a great message, there is no denying that, it does give others the chance to share with their friends that they recognise them as great mothers, and that they think they are doing a great job, which is something that a lot of mothers tell themselves they aren’t, but do we really need Facebook to initiate a complement? Why can’t we just complement each other? Why cant we just accept that we’re all good parents in our own way and stop creating ways in which to include some and exclude others all that the same time?
That’s why I wont participate, because I don’t want to be divided, I don’t want to separate myself from others because I have something that they don’t, and I certainly don’t want to be the one who causes one of my friends to feel down about their infertility because of something they saw on Facebook.

As always, Thanks for reading!

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8 thoughts on “Facebook Motherhood Challenge. Why I won’t participate.

  1. Amy M. says:

    Rarely have I scrolled through my Facebook food so quickly or skipped over so much, as I have in the past week or so with this going on! It’s been driving me insane. I’m so incredibly sensitive and emotional right now about all of this, I find myself near tears most days. I’ve started blocking people on Facebook who have become pregnant and can speak of nothing else, because I can’t stand seeing it all the time. (I’m talking about “normal” people, not those struggling with infertility.) I wish people could be more considerate of others, and realize that not everyone can get pregnant at the drop of a hat as soon as they’re ready to expand their family. It’s so hurtful to those of us who can’t. So thankful that I at least work with people who understand how sensitive I am to things right now, at least they don’t drive me up a wall!! Thank you for taking a stand for those of us who aren’t as lucky as those “normal” people. *hugs*

    • Faye Elizabeth says:

      Thank you Amy 🙂 it can be tough and even I have found it difficult so I feel your pain. Try not to let it get you down (I know that’s hard to do) just delete or block people that cause the negativity, it’s not rude or nasty; it’s just you looking after you, and that’s perfectly understandable xxx

  2. heylittlesweetthing says:

    Could not have said this better myself! Like you, I am lucky to have 1 child and I know that, lord do I know that. But with A LOT of my friends unable to have children/struggling with conceiving, I refuse to rub it in their face with this silly challenge !

  3. The Speed Bump says:

    Thank you for writing so honestly x I was lucky enough to fall pregnant accidentally with SB, but now with endometriosis I don’t know how we’ll get on if we try for a second, and while I don’t judge anyone for doing the Motherhood Challenge, I’ve chosen not to because I know people who are struggling to conceive even one child and I can’t imagine how bad it must make them feel xx ❤

    • Faye Elizabeth says:

      Thanks for checking it out and commenting 🙂 that’s exactly why I’m not taking part too, because it’s not nice for others and I find it all a bit… Unnecessary, if I’m honest! I was always under the impression that I had endo but luckily j don’t, just PcOS but I know how you feel, I have a lot of the ‘side effects’ of endo without actually having it so I feel your pain xx

  4. thosewordsshewrote says:

    Thank you for writing this honey. I have really struggled with all the Motherhood Challenge posts, being unable to have children myself. I feel like I can’t say anything because it’s no one else’s problem and I don’t want to risk the backlash of mothers X

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