This is a trying to conceive post and may contain content that some readers might not feel comfortable reading.
I want to say that today has been just like day one, and day two of taking tablets, but it hasn’t been like those days, it has been worse, definitely worse. I don’t exactly know if it is the clomid but I have been feeling so tired today! Like deathly tired. Okay so I had a little bit of a late one last night but I was still tucked up by midnight. I didn’t get up until 7:30 either, that’s a fair amount of time to sleep but I’ve felt like I haven’t slept a wink all night.I have also been quick to anger today, could that be the clomid or a side effect of being tired? I don’t know, I don’t know if I’m feeling this way because of the tablets or just because, well, because of whatever.
So what made today bad? Well, first of all I was exhausted, I was asked at 8am to make sock snakes by my eager three-year old and I couldn’t even face making our tea at that point. I did tell her we could make them this afternoon instead of right then. I ploughed through the morning like a trooper because even if I’m feeling like death, I have obligations, I have chores, I have a child who needs me to be alert, aware and entertaining. I didn’t want to do anything, other than go back to bed but I got on with the housework and even vacuumed throughout. I left willow upstairs in her bedroom playing with her doll house and figures to take the vaccum downstairs and put it away. I was downstairs about a minute and a half, No LIE! I was gone for 90 friggin seconds and down the stairs walks my daughter with her hair in her hands, I asked her what she was doing and she told me she wanted to watch TV. I asked her why she was holding her hair she said No. I asked her what she had put into her hair she said nothing. so I told her to move her hands…. WOW, Looks like someone fancied a fucking fringe! I swear to god, in the 90 seconds it took me to walk down stairs and pack away the Hoover, she went into my room, stood on her little piano seat, opened one of my boxes, took out a pair of scissors and chopped off half of her front curl! I was instantly Livid. I don’t know if I would have been this angry with or without the clomid, I have felt this angry before with her so I don’t know. Maybe it was amplified, maybe it was just a mixture of hormones and sleepiness. Either way, it was a living nightmare. I sent her to her room and left her in there for about 3 minutes before getting her out again and combing through her hair to see if she had cut anywhere else.
luckily she hadn’t.
After the mop-chop episode, the headache set in. AS IF I wasn’t feeling shit enough, my brain decided to join the party, not only plaguing me with the fear of being a bad Mother but making every thought hurt too. I hated today. I am just so glad that it’s almost bedtime for Miss Hairdresser and her three-going-on-33 attitude! I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like I need to have a break, I feel bad complaining about tiredness since Kabooledad is up at 5am and out by 6am, he doesn’t get home until after 6 some evenings and he’s shattered but he still manages to do all his jobs without grumping about it. Sometimes I feel like I complain too much and then I feel bad because I feel like I shouldn’t. I guess I just feel a bit down today. I felt like a bad mum for shouting at her, I felt even worse telling her she couldn’t make her sock snakes like I promised. I did explain that naughty behaviour means consequence but it doesn’t make it any easier for me. It’s horrible. By late afternoon I was overwhelmed with tiredness, my headache hadn’t changed even after pain killers and Willow was bored. I just grabbed our shoes and coats, got the dog on the lead and took them for a walk. It was nice to get out but it didn’t make me feel any better really, I still felt grumpy but the fresh air did ease the headache, only while we were actually out but it was nice to have a short break.
In all, I have had worse days but that hasn’t made it any easier. I’m hoping to get out and about again tomorrow. Hopefully, an early night tonight will get me out of this rut and feeling better by morning, hope so, I really want to do something nice with willow instead of keeping her indoors so much.
Anyway, enough of the sob story, I’m off to take whumpy off to bed, make myself a hot chocolate and load me up some Winchesters and their feathery friend.
As always, thanks for reading! I hope all the TTC’ers out there are feeling a bit better than me right now!