Patiently waiting.

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This post contains information about our Trying To Conceive journey.

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My last post described how I was still waiting for AF to show up, the story is no different. I still haven’t started my period for this cycle. My first clomid cycle. When I wrote last time, I said I found it super difficult to figure out my period-impending symptoms. I do feel like i have so few that could be explained by so many other factors that I never really know what the hell is going on with my body.
well, usually thats how i feel. Over the last few days, I have started noticing a few bodily changes and It started with itchy boobs.  First of all I was thinking, hmm, maybe this is a sign? And made a note of it on my fertility app. Over a day or two, it went from being just a little itch after taking my bra off to full blown pain! Oh my Celestia! My boobs are hurting so much, they’re so bad, I’ve even considered the fact that I could be pregnant despite the fact that I know I haven’t ovulated. I even took a test that came up negative. After a day or two of having such sore boobs, I started noticing little twinges in my ovaries. For the first time in my life I can actually feel my ovaries! It’s uncomfortable, painful. I started thinking, I know I’m not pregnant, could I be ovulating? I’ve never felt my ovaries and they feel like they’re doing something, could it be ovulation? So I took an ovulation test. That was negative too. I realise, I could have taken one a day so far but having checked my cervical position and mucus, I am pretty sure ovulation is not occurring. Low, firm, closed. Egg whites. I know I’m not ovulating. But why it’s lasting so long is beyond me. I vaguely remember having itchy and sore boobs when I was a teenager and my periods came like clockwork, they would come roughly mid cycle. I’m confused, my body is certainly doing something but I can’t really work out what, it would seem, following all negative outcomes of all the tests, that Aunt Flo is imminent, pretty much just sat there waiting to happen and yet, nothing is happening.

My boobs are still really sore, like painful sore. Wearing a bra for more than a few hours at a time is almost torture, and when I finally get around to removing it, my nipples are boiling hot, burning, and I have to lean on something cool to help ease the pain. The last time I had boobs so sore, I was in the first trimester of my pregnancy on Miss Willow. If that wasn’t enough to make me want to shoot myself in the head, Kaboodle dad wants to shoot me in the head because of the (ahem, TMI ahead) flatulence. I swear, you would think I was just one big ball of gas the way I’ve been trumping! It’s not even the fact that I’m farting that is doing everyone else’s head in, it the fact that they stink! Oh lord, oh Nelly, they stink. And they always, always, (always) come at the worse possible moment, like walking around a supermarket, while sat in waiting rooms…. I could go on. Absolutely awful. The third ‘symptom’ (I would call it inconvenience) is constipation. I’m not even kidding. It explains the stink I’m creating, I’ll say no more on that matter. Lastly, as if having all of the above wasn’t bad enough, I’ve also been suffering with insomnia. Oh man, I cannot get to sleep at night. There is no reason to justify my awake-ness…. I have been avoiding pop and sugary food in the hope that I will get to bed at a decent hour. Nothing is working. I even went as far as to pick up some herbal sleeping tablets. I took two the other night because I was like Wide awake at midnight and I was still laying there at 3am. Once I get to sleep, my body wants to sleep for the required amount of time (or longer) and I can’t sleep in past 8am (at the biggest of pushes!) Miss Willow and her Daddy are both morning people. It’s been a nightmare. Even last night, I was sat with the TV on, Kaboodledad had gone to bed and I was doodling away in my scrap book, I checked the time just to see and it was quarter past 1 in the morning! It just felt about 11pm. I wasn’t even tired. I did go straight up though. We have a super busy weekend ahead of us and I didn’t want to be knackered for it. I was then up again at 7am this morning.
I feel a bit like death warmed up. I’ve taken more ovulation tests and I’ve been checking my CP and CM. It all indicates that there’s no ovulation occuring. I’m debating on doing a pregnancy test again because the last time I had this, all of it, was when I was pregnant. If feels crazy to have such dramatic ‘symptoms’ when just last month, I couldn’t tell you anything about my cycles in terms of symptoms.

I am really hoping that this all means I’m due to have a period. I’d really like to just get these issues over with. I can’t stand feeling sleepy but not being able to get to sleep, even meditation, my go-to for all sleep issues, failed to help me. I really hate feeling like a walking gas ball and I swear, if I have to press the twins up against my chest of drawers one more time. I might cry! My anxiety is really bad at the moment, a repercussion of not sleeping properly. I am not switching off long enough. I’m tense all the time and my anxiety is seeping into all things, my eating habits, my dream life (when I eventually sleep), trust, Miss Kaboodles activities, I’m anxious about letting her play with the simplest of things (like paint, in case she eats it?!?) that I would normally have no issue with. I’m thinking about getting the non-herbal version of sleeping pills. I’m fairly confident they would get me sleeping. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Hopefully, this time next week I won’t have as much to say about period symptoms and instead talk about how I’m feeling during my 5 days of clomid. Hopefully. We can all dream right? Even if it is about having a period lol.

The realities of trying for a baby when you’re infertile. 

As always, thanks for reading! I really hope all my TTCing followers are having better luck than me!

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6 thoughts on “Patiently waiting.

  1. Marissa says:

    I had a really difficult time sleeping (well, difficult for me anyhow, I do not think it was technically insomnia, but boys it was hard on the body!) I used Yoga Nidra for insomnia.
    I just play the youtube video on my phone and listen to it through ear buds (because it drives my husband crazy lol!) You definitely have to have an open mind, because it does sound a little silly if you over think it. But I found it to be an excellent way to distract my mind. The recording I use is only about 30 minutes long, but I rarely make it even half way through before I’m asleep!

    Good luck with everything!

    xo

    • Faye Elizabeth says:

      Yeah usually meditation works for me too, it just hasn’t been for a couple of weeks at the moment.
      It’s starting to calm down now, I’m able to get to sleep when I go to bed, it’s actually getting bed that’s the problem now lol

      • SnowShoes and LobsterTales says:

        Haha I know the feeling!! It has been hard for me to wind down enough and get myself to bed at a decent hour. So now I’m tired in the morning but still can’t seem to go to bed before midnight most nights! Makes me want to pull my hair out!

  2. Amy M. says:

    I hope you get an answer to all your symptoms very soon. My boobs were so sore from the night of my retrieval, all the way through today. AF finally came today though, so at least we can get started with things again. Hopefully she shows up soon for you!

    • Faye Elizabeth says:

      That’s good! I’m pleased she has turned up for you and you can get started. I’m still waiting, I keep thinking she has and when I check I’m wrong! Lol, wishful thinking! I know it’s coming, I just have to wait for the when. Glad your boobies are feeling better, that’s the one thing I’m looking forward too!

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