I never thought I’d want a period.

***** This is a Trying To Conceive post*****

You know when you get a period and it’s all “I want cake, deep fat fried in batter and smothered in a chocolate sauce, sprinkled with co-codamol and sleeping pills”?
yeah, me too.
And you know how you could cry at the sight of a stepped on snail because it’s just so tragic?
yeah me too.

who wants that? Not me, that’s for sure. But I totally want a period. Contradicting, I know.

I want to have a period so that I can start taking the clomid. I want to get our journey back up and running again but so far, I haven’t had one. I don’t think I’ve got any signs apart from some insomnia but I get that anyway. It’s so hard to tell if anything is going on down there and it’s annoying. The last thing I want is to feel like this and then have someone say, just forget about it and it will happen.

I hate that. I hate that part of a baby making journey, when people make out that they know what they’re talking about when they say to you to stop thinking about it. Like they’re some sort of neurological scientist. I just get so annoyed by that one small sentence. It’s just so stupid.

Its like saying,
If I start thinking about eating, I wont eat.
If I think about making myself a new scrapbook, ill never do it.
If I start thinking about getting a job, well, shit, I wont get one! I need to stop thinking about getting a job to get a job….. can you see what I mean?

Take the pregnancy out of the equation and suddenly, I’m talking nonsense.

That’s how silly that sentence sounds to someone who is trying for a baby. Just stop thinking about it and it will happen!
Well I do apologise for having broken hormones which wreak havoc with my body. From bloating to headaches and a furry upper lip! But I’m sure if I take your expert advice and JUST PRETEND IT’S NOT HAPPENING, maybe, just maybe, I might not have to pluck away my lady-tache!

Well fuck me! I never thought about that! Here, let me just open up my skull, fiddle around in my brain for a little, switch off my feelings and OH HEY LOOK! I’M PREGNANT!

no, it just doesn’t happen. unfortunately for women like me, you can’t just not think about something that is so important. Women who suffer from infertility have to think about their fertility quite often, especially if they are actively trying to conceive. There is a lot to think about in the process, it not a simple case of laying on our back for ten minutes and giving birth 40 weeks later. I doesn’t work that way.

Sure, we lay on our back for 10 minutes, then we stuff a pillow under our bum and lift our legs into the air! Then the following morning we have to take our temperature before we’ve even opened our eyes and then we have to try and navigate a stream of urine onto a plastic stick without pissing on our hands in the process! Also, did I mention we do all that before we’ve even switched on the kettle, let alone drank something hot, preferably caffeine free because of how much caffeine can hinder our chances?

We can’t just forget to do that and hope by some miracle we will just get pregnant.

I think it’s fairly obvious how much I get annoyed at the ignorance of some people but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to achieve what I want to achieve. I have already bought myself a new thermometer ready to temp with and I have the clomid sat waiting for cycle day 2. All I need now is for the cycle to actually start and we’re away.

Another good thing that I am still managing quite well on this journey, is quitting smoking. I am now on my fifth day of no cigarettes and it’s going very well. I still get cravings but I am also still using nicotine replacement. I still haven’t given in to lighting up though and of that I am very proud! Another week or so and I will reduce my nicotine strength and over time, get rid of it completely!

everything is looking good! I’ve got better lungs, fresh eggs and fertility treatments waiting for me, all I need now is the period.
I really never thought I’d say it, but I’m looking forward to it.


2 thoughts on “I never thought I’d want a period.

  1. Amy M. says:

    I’m right there with you. As soon as I get mine, we can start another stim cycle and get moving with this whole IVF fiasco! Hope it comes very soon for us both!

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