Recently, I decided that it was time to consider looking at getting a job since Willow needs a little more than I have on offer.
It was only natural that I looked back on my practically ancient CV to see what’s changed since the last time I needed one.
Obviously, things like age, address and phone numbers needed changing but I couldn’t help but notice that my ‘about me’ was a bit wrong. Well, I say wrong, it’s not wrong, In fact It’s got all the makings of a great ‘about’ but I had to laugh at the irony of it. I have been unemployed for four years and I worked in one place for four years before that! Put simply, Almost every detail was a lie! Maybe it was the truth when I originally wrote it as a bright eyed, childless, teenager but those words are far from who I am today!
So here goes, what happens if I write my cv for who I am these days?
originally, I wrote,
I am an energetic, enthusiastic and positive individual, with great time keeping skills,
I am a lethargic, unenthusiastic and grumpy individual who is almost always late to everything, including getting up in the morning.
I went on..
I have excellent organisation skills as well as being a very well presented individual. I am polite, well spoken and a good listener.
I have mediocre organisation skills as well as being able to lick my fingers and push my eyelashes up while wearing a t-shirt I plucked out of the dirty washing pile with complete disregard for the snot stain on the shoulder. I am relatively polite, I thank when thanks is needed, other times I just shout profanities in the general direction of the thing that needs the shouting at. I am very well spoken, its just difficult to understand me through the biscuit I’m currently chowing down on. I am capable of listening, after being called about 10 times you will definitely have my attention, albeit rather angry attention, but attention non-the-less.
I am able to work well alone and equally as well in a team.
I am able to work well alone and equally as well alone. I am capable of working in a team, but I prefer to do everything myself and then shout at people for not helping me out sometimes.
I have an eagerness to learn and progress. I am strong minded and capable of working under pressure. I am competent and able to make quick decisions should I need too.
I am almost always on Wikipedia learning who voiced the characters of my daughters latest animated obsession. And I just hit the next level in my game. I am dimly minded, often outwitted by my three year old but I am capable of cleaning a really full potty without throwing up! I am competitive and able to make a quick judgement of other parents around me
when IF I ever leave the house long enough to experience human contact.
I am a great team player, I get along well with others, I am approachable, kind, and trustworthy.
I am a great individual, I get along really well with my boyfriend, I don’t really know anyone else. I can be approached after I have had my morning cup of tea and after food. Any other time can be a hit or a miss but you can try. I’m generally kind, unless you’re within my vicinity and there’s been a spillage somewhere in the house. You can trust me to hide all the sweets so only I have access to them.
I am a happy-go-lucky, spritely individual with a passion for people.
I am a highly sceptical individual, often concerned about silence, roads, strangers, and food that’s been open longer than two days. I am capable of movement although I am sometimes hindered by my dodgy hip and the bad back I inherited from sporting an unnecessarily large pregnancy bump that promised a 9lb mosterling but instead consisted of litres upon litres of water and a 6lb 10oz tiny thing. I avoid all people if and when I possibly can.
And THAT’S why honesty is NOT always the best policy!