A visit to the Gynae

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This post is a trying to conceive post.

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Visiting the Gynaecologist.

Yesterday, was our second visit with the gynaecologist, my follow up appointment after having my laparoscopy. We arrived what we thought was only 15 minutes late due to traffic, then we realised that my appointment was at 1:30pm – we had arrived at 3:45pm since I thought my appointment was at 3:30! I don’t even know how I managed to screw it up but somehow I did! 

Luckily, the gynaecologist was “in a good mood,” acording to the receptionist and after being asked, the Gyn said he’d still see me. Great! I thought, and we went and sat down to wait. After 20 minutes or so I was called into his office. I went in, sat down and he asked me a couple of questions, then asked if he’d seen me before. This annoyed me, obviously you’ve seen me, you cut me open and looked at my ovaries, jerk! I’m not a huge fan of his after he made me feel upset on the day of the operation! Anyway, negative emotions aside, I kept my cool and answered his questions, explained to him about taking metformin and how it affected me so badly. I was hoping for some sort of alternative, something which would help me get my periods on track.

*I realise that this journey is called our trying to conceive journey, but it’s also more than that. This, for me, has been a huge learning curve about my body, I’m slowly starting to tune into it properly and realise how it works. The last two years have been terrible in terms of Aunt Flo, at one point I had gone 8 months without seeing her once. Now, I understand you can’t get pregnant without ovulating and I know ovulation is key to having regular periods, I have neither. It wouldn’t be such a problem if it wasn’t potentially setting me up for all manner of nasty problems in my later years. I can’t understand why focus is so much on the pregnancy than getting the periods under control. But I digress, if it was just about the periods, I’d be on the pill, which is an alternative I hate by the way. The contraceptive pill, in my opinion, is more harm than it is good. I’m left with no choice but to get pregnant, take birth control or stay as I am, irregular. As it stands, I feel unsure about another baby, I don’t want to take BCP and I certainly don’t want to be irregular forever, since that’s bad for my health. 

Long story cut short, I was in the Gyn’s office a mere 5 minutes, by the end of which, he had prescribed me clomid. 50mg a day for 5 days CD 2-6. He told me ovulation should occur on day 14, he gave me two blood work forms, one for this cycle and one for the cycle with clomid, each to check progesterone levels to indicte whether ovulation has happened.

He didn’t offer any advice about the clomid, I had to ask about the risk of multiple births. He told me that in general, the population have a 1% chance of multiple births, taking clomid makes it a 3% chance. I told him I was unsure, he said its up to me if I take it or not.

After leaving, I took my prescription to the pharmacy, collected the pills and we were on our way again. 

A few days ago, I opened up to Mr Kaboodle about my fears of having another baby and taking clomid. Both of which scare me. I know I want to have more children but the more time that has passed the less I have wanted it. We talked about it for a while, I said I’d likely turn down clomid and he agreed with me. We’re both off put by the chance of twins or triplets and I realise 3% is a small number but 3 couples per 100 make it more realistic to how likely it could be. 

I am Currently on cycle day 4 of this cycle which means we have at least 5 or 6 weeks (maybe even more!) to figure out if we want to go ahead with the clomid. At the moment, I’m very confused. There’s the part of me that’s scared to move forward, I’m so comfortable right now, the most comfortable I have ever been with myself and my life. The fear comes from change with the added feeling of going back on myself. I’m 25, I’m unemployed, I have no career or qualifications. I have been out of school since I was 16 and out of work for nearly 4 years. As Willow gets older I have more time to myself, I could wait for her to start full time education and go back to college, learn something and finally have a qualification and start my career. If I went on to have another baby now, I am setting myself back by another 4 years at least, maybe even 5 or 6 depending on whether this clomid worked. My life long saying has always been to stop having children after the age of 30. I really don’t want kids over that age. I find myself wondering whether or not to step back on the idea of going to college next year and taking the next 4-5 years to have more children. I don’t want to have children over the age of 30 but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t learn a trade or get a qualification when I’m 30+ but, with that said, the longer I leave it, the less likely it is I will achive it.

It’s a tough choice. As things are, I still don’t know what I want to do. I am stil unsure of whether or not this is right or if I am rushing things. My fear outweighs my want for a child but knowing that the tablets sit out my kitchen just waiting to be taken and knowing the opportunity they give me, it’s hard to look away. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it agian, I know for certain that I want more children, I don’t think I could go on with life knowing I would never have more, especially because I want a son and always said I wouldn’t stop until I had one. It’s just, I know first hand how hard parenting is, how harrowing post natal depression is and I really don’t want to have that again. Yeah, I could manage another kid but I don’t know if I could manage a new born, a child and post natal, with no friends or direct family around me. (except for my Wonderfull partner and daughter) 

I’m glad Meiron and I have a good relationship where everything gets out on the table and I can be openly honest about my fears. I guess the next month or so will be filled with a lot of conversations about expanding the family is what we want or not.

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14 thoughts on “A visit to the Gynae

  1. kylysheldon says:

    We have also been confused about the second child question, but time isn’t on our side since I am 35 next month. My cut off was no kids after that age and if I fall ppregnant again I will be close to 36 when i Give birth, gasp! Anyway, I totally feel you on the whole being comfortable with yourself and your life. I also had terrible depression (and a child with severe reflux) and am terrified of the prospect of coping with a baby and a child at the same time. I don’t think I have it in me if things are as difficult the second time around. I also feel like my life has been on hold and I’m just getting it back and becoming more than just a mom, the thought of putting it on hold again, at this age, just scares me.

    • Faye Elizabeth says:

      That’s exactly how i feel! I only just feel like I’m getting back to being more than just a mum and knowing I’d have I start all over again scares me!
      I will say, my MIL had her youngest at 36 and she says its difficult being 50 and dealing with a teenager! My cut off is 30, I don’t want more kids after that age and I’m 25 now so it’s a big toss up between going for it and leaving it a little while! At the moment we’re just seeing how things go πŸ™‚

      • kylysheldon says:

        30 is a good cut off. You still have time and i promise, you will feel just as young in your 30’s πŸ˜‰
        If i’d had a child in my twenties it would have been better, then my current bug could have been my second. I started too late, but i wasn’t ready back then so I suppose it is what it is and I’m cool with that too.

      • Faye Elizabeth says:

        I don’t think there’s ever a time you can be truly ready. I thought I was ready for a baby and spent a long time of my life (even currently) as an infertile but when my little whump came along, I was So Unprepared…. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into lol!

      • kylysheldon says:

        Totally. When I said “ready” I just meant i wasn’t going to break down in utter fear from the incoming galactic mound of responsibility hurtling my way. Boy, was i naive πŸ˜‰

      • Faye Elizabeth says:

        Good vocab! I do enjoy a superior word here and there! You’re right though, I think parenting is insane, and intense and crazy and irrational and emotional and just, well, MADNESS!!

  2. The Champa Tree says:

    The support of Meiron and wet kisses/warm hugs from the 3-year-old πŸ™‚ are with forgetting all the misery you had to go through today! Cheer up and enjoy your Sunday πŸ™‚

  3. Amy M. says:

    I’m sorry you’re at such a frustrating crossroads right now. At least you have a little time to hash things out with each other and figure out exactly what you want to do. Make a list of pros and cons, and maybe rate them how important they are in the final decision. It may help you out. Good luck!

    • Faye Elizabeth says:

      Thank you! I know, I’m glad I’ve got time and we are able to discuss everything without feeling like one of us would feel different, that’s a relief! Just going to see now how we feel over the next few weeks πŸ™‚

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