I almost can’t believe that I am a mother to a 3 year old little girl. I know it sounds kind of odd but it’s true, children grow so quickly.
Years ago, I would ask my mum about myself as a baby and she would sometimes say “I don’t remember” and I always found it odd. I could never imagine not remembering something as (what I imagined at the time) important, like how my child was at a certain age. Now, I look back and try to remember the very, small things. Of course, I remember that my baby was nocturnal for the first week of her life, I remember that time she projectile shat all over me, I remember how she screamed the first time I bathed her. I remember the way I would lick my finger and slide it across her hair so to stick down the little fluffy bits that stuck up and how her little monkey hairs would wrinkle up when they had been wet and I remember the time she threw up an entire feed because of her colic.
What escapes my memory are the finer details, how did she smell? What was her scent exactly? Even though I remember holding a baby version of my three year old, how tiny was she, really? How exactly did her little gurgles sound? How soft did her hair actually feel? How tiny were her little hands and feet?
I realise that these are things that go quickly, so quickly that they’re almost gone in a blink of an eye, or quick enough that it feels that way.
I woke up on Monday aware that it was the day to celebrate my munchkin turning 3. I spent the day saying things like;
This time three years ago, you were only 3 hours old.
This time three years ago, I changed your first ever nappy.
This time three years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed looking at the best gift ever!
this time three years ago, you were 7 hours old.
And so it goes on.
It’s crazy. Time really does fly. Memories fade, even though I know the moment they were happening, they were special and mesmerising, they grow smaller and smaller as new memories take their place, it’s sad, to think that I’ll never smell Willow as a new born baby again, I’ll never hold her tiny body as she glugs milk or the fact that I’ll never see her chew on her hands to relive her sore gums again.
With that said though, it’s also happy because what replaces those tiny details are details with just as much relavence and importance. Things like her laugh, the way she twists her dummy as she falls asleep. The way she sings and makes up words and how one curl on her head is the most unruly curl and always goes into her eye!
They don’t replace any memories, but they making loosing them much easier.
With all that said and done, I have a mind full of fresh memories from the day my baby, my toddler, became my little girl.
Happy Birthday baby bear, Mamma loves you loads and loads and loads.