My dream reader is, and always has been, Willow.
That’s why I blog, that’s who I blog for.
My stories wouldn’t be what they are without her. My blog wouldn’t be what it is without her inspiring me the way she does.
I will now share my letter to my dream reader,
When you were born this song was forever playing on the radio. It became the soundtrack to the first month of your life and how I felt about being your mother.
I would wait for your dad to go to work and I would play this song,I would sing it to you. I would pour myself into the words and make them mine.
They became my words to you. The song I dedicate to you.
The words mean so much.
You were so tiny baby, you had the smallest hands and feet I had ever seen.
When you were placed on my chest after you were born I looked at those hands and I saw your veins. Those tiny little blue veins, faint under your pink skin, I made those veins . I grew those veins in my tummy and shared my blood with you, your heart once beat within me and my heart beat was once all you could hear.
I can’t buy your love, I don’t even want to try. Sometimes the truth won’t make you happy, see I’m not gonna lie, but don’t ever question that my heart beats only for you.
Words so true. This song couldn’t have come out at a more appropriate time. I struggled with adapting to being a mum, I struggled with learning about you and how I felt about you. I felt overwhelmed more during those first few months than I ever have in my entire life. You blew my mind, you were so perfect and I couldn’t believe I was worthy of something so utterly beautiful.
I slowly learned to be a mum, I’m still learning now and you’re two! But one thing that has never changed is how I feel about you, how much I love you and how much I want to be the best for you.
I started blogging initially to have something to do, to expand myself, I had high hopes it might become something more. I look back now and realise it was never about anything other than you. You inspired me to write my first ever post and you continue to inspire me to write. I’ve written stories, poems, letters, jokes and I’ve even made memes out of photos of you.
You are my life, I wouldn’t change a thing.
I feel like I should tell you how much you mean to me, but I’ve told you so many times before, I know you know. But I write to your daddy now, you, Mr Kaboodle, give me strength and courage. You light my life up and make me shine. I love you. Without you I couldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t be where I am today, I wouldn’t know this life and the love I have for you and our daughter. Thank you, for always being you, for never faltering even when I’m having a melodramatic moment filled with tears and sobs or exaggerated anger, for always giving me hugs when I need them and even when I don’t, for making me laugh and sharing your life with me.
You both make everything worthwhile, you both give me the time of day to be myself no matter how crazy or quiet, you both give me inspiration. It doesn’t matter that I have bad memories from the past, a childhood to forget and many issues to still face. None of it matters because I have you, both of you, and the future.